The one where I resolve

Wedding planning is in full swing and I am loving every minute of it. I have enjoyed being off school for a bit so that I can focus on planning and spending time with friends and family... it has been such a joyful time.

I am never much of a new years resolution type of person, because it seems kind of silly to me. It seems like everyone buys into the "lose weight, eat better, and travel" concept of new years resolutions, so much so that if you go into Walmart right now, they have the first aisles you see in the store are work out stuff. It made me laugh when I saw that.

Resolutions seem so selfish and all about how to better ME and make ME a more beautiful, fill in the blank person. However, all this bashing on resolutions, I have begun to think a little into this. I think I want my resolutions this year to not be what I can change about my life, but what I can add to it to be more fruitful for Christ.

How do I want to be different in 2011-2012?
What things in my life need altering?
How can I be a better vessle for Christ?
What tools has Christ given me to reach those around me?

Here is the start of my list:

1. Have people over to our house at least once a month. This is my "resolution" to foster more community in my life.

2. Incorporate microloans in our finances. Microloans that would help those in other countries to start small businesses, that they just need a jumpstart. Using this organization. They pay us back, so it's not a charity foundation or a thing I want to do to donate money, but something that I want to invest our money into helping other people. I just can't help but to think of Luke 12:48 "Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more."

3. My favorite idea so far is to use part of my tithe to buy goats to families in need. This isn't just sending a check in the mail, but giving them a resource to better their quality of life. It gives them resources to have milk, yogurt, fur, manure, etc, and I'm a big fan of this. Click here if you want to read more about this

4. Lastly, get married, stay babyless, and learn how to love my husband to the best of my ability. This will require much prayer from my end, and support from those around us.

Happy 2011!

The one where I can't find a venue

It's been almost two weeks and I still am venueless.
What's so bad about eloping?
Really.
I'm contemplating...
This hurts my head, and weddings are tooooo expensive. I think that's dumb too. DUMB EXPENSIVE WEDDINGS!
86 days.

In my spare time, though, I have found this..and it has managed to keep me laughing in the meantime.

Broken

I. Am. Broken.
Things just seem to keep getting worse.
I keep seeing glimpses of hope and then two more bad things happen.
Why? Why Why!?

Send your perfect peace, Lord.

Edit.
You are funny, Lord... Youuuu are funny.
I'm in love, I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it!
ENGAGED.

The one where I swallow my pride

I have issues. Lots of them. Mainly internal ones, though, which makes it better... or at least appear that way. But, man, do I have issues. I am horrible at sharing. I really am. I suck at it. I like MY things and to be the only one to use them, because they are MINE, they are intended for ME not anyone else. I want MY house cleaned the way that I believe it should. I want to be the only one using MY things. No one else should touch my movies, books, or even think of going in my room. Afterall, it is MY privacy. I earned it, right? I deserve to have my things. And sure, I want my house for hospitality, but only when I am in control. So long as it does not interfere with MY plans, it is okay.

I have pride issues. Jealousy issues. Entitlement issues. Unrealistic expectations issues. (See, I told you I had issues!)

How is this Christlike? How does seeing my possessions as MINE and only MINE further the Kingdom? How does it even show that I love a Maker who gave me these very possessions? I am disgusted at myself when I realize the utter filth in my life. I am in continual need of redemption and sanctification. I've been also thinking about how does this translate in marriage. How do learn that everything I have and am will be someone elses?

I want to use this time in the next 20 days to intentionally, not arbitrarily pursue righteousness and discover more truths, with hopes of the fruits of the spirit being more alive and at work in my life because of my love for Him. I desire to see this opportunity of sharing a house and not having control over a lot of things as preparation and growing time. Time of refining some loose ends in my life, not with hopes of fixing but with hopes of learning grace and letting go of the grip of control that I so badly want (and feel I deserve).

Lord, help me be who and what you want me to be. Give me strength, faith and hope, and most of all, give me guidance each and every day. I let go and give you control.

Need to be more like Mary.

Being the type A person that I am, I resonate more with Martha than Mary. This often frustrates me. I get caught up with to-do lists, boxes left in my house, feeling superior because I have my life in "order" (or so it looks), while I completely miss out some times on seeing Christ. The anxiety, trouble, frustration and pressure of being a Martha leads to so much trouble.

I need to realize I'll never get everything done. I just need to spend some time with Him.

My Alabaster Jar

I've been thinking a lot lately about forgiveness. I have found that it is a lot easier to forgive those around us than it is to forgive ourselves. But, I believe this is just as much living in sin as it is not forging your neighbor, or friend for that matter. I am definitely not perfect. In fact, being the "older brother" that I am, I am infested with an array of inward sin that is not as obvious since it is not external, since they are more sins of my heart.

Anyways, I have been reflecting over Luke 7, and the woman in Bethany, as she loved Jesus with the overflowing and extravagant love as an expression of her true forgiveness. She was so bold. I have so much to learn from this woman. But, before I go on... I must admit on of my inward sins is pride. I read this story and think "no, I'm not like that... that doesn't apply." But that's where I'm very, very wrong. Simon in the story failed to meet the basic duties of a guest. I think this was where his self-righteousness got in the way of fully loving Jesus. We feel entitled or deserving of love which I believe that this mentality inhibits our ability to enjoy Christ's free gift that he offers. Before I get too political or theological on this, I believe his grace is indeed not cheap, but I cheapen it when I choose to not enjoy and drink deep in His sweet, sweet grace.

Jesus forgave the woman of her sins because of her faith and love. I need to learn to not judge those around me with more external sins but realize that we all are morally bankrupt, when it comes to God’s standard. The only true qualification is to be unqualified (Thank you, Steve Brown for that).

So my alabaster jar. This is handing over my pride, self-righteousness, and anything else in the way that constrains my ability to love Him with all that I am.

Thank you for reminding me that I am not exempt from sin. Don't let my pride justify my sins or weigh them on a different level in your eyes. Thank you for loving me when I am so undeserving of your love and acceptance.

The one with the better story

So today probably hasn't been one of my best days. I wouldn't call it that. But I'm encouraged today. I'm encouraged because I know bigger things in the world are going on. People are being served, loved, and drawing closer to the cross. I need to remember that I really am insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but that He has called me to greater things. When I think like this, I get smaller and He becomes way, way bigger.

People are bringing beauty to mess, and I am encouraged to look beyound the shack and see the good things. Life is really great. There is so much beauty in redemption.

Things like this encourage me!

Thank you Lord, for allowing me to have a "sad" day, only to be reminded of your goodness.